February 2009 Archives

Time-Limited Event Special Invitation - February 19valentine box.jpg:

I am co-delivering a one-time program for high School parents: The Myths and Realities of the Successful College Search

Are you overwhelmed with finding the right college for your student? Not sure where to even begin? Do you have a strategy for figuring out what your student wants to major in and how their interests match to specific colleges? Do you want your student to earn scholarships but don't know where or how to begin the process of getting them noticed? This workshop will address the top five myths of the successful college search:

(1)    My student will do most of the college search work him/herself and/or the HS guidance counselor will help my student find the right college.
(2)    Any school will do as long as my student goes to college.
(3)    You can take side-trips to visit colleges while on your summer vacation.
(4)    Top academic students will automatically get scholarships.
(5)    Only top athletes get athletic scholarships.

Taught by two moms, Patti Hathaway and Karen Matis, who have done extensive research and who have been successful in helping their students through the college search process. They will share with you what has worked for their families and how you can do the same.

Who Should Attend: High School Parents and Students

Date:    Thursday, February 19, 2009 
     
Time: 7:00-9:00 p.m.

Location:  Heritage Christian Church, 7413 Maxtown Road (Westerville, Ohio 43082), Room 210 (follow the signs to the room). Main evening entrance is on west side of the church.

RSVP by February 17 to:  llewis@heritagecc.org (so we have enough chairs and outlines) or register on-line at: http://www.heritagecc.org/event-registration/ (scroll down alphabetically for "Myths and Realities of the Successful College Search")


He Needs, She Needs

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valentine box.jpgI had a wonderful time at St. Luke's Hospital (Maumee, Ohio) last Friday speaking at their "Wear Red" events. My breakfast keynote topic was Avoiding the Gender Fender Benders. I've recently been reading an excellent book that my husband Jim suggested by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs on "Cracking the Communication Code (2007)." Many women appreciated the new insights. So, since it's Valentine's Day this weekend, I'm going to share these findings in the hopes that it will help you with your significant other.

Most of us know that the key to motivating another person is meeting his/her deepest need.

The primary drive and deepest value for men is unconditional respect. In a national study of 400 hundred men, 74% said that they would prefer to be alone and unloved in the world over being disrespected and feeling inadequate. Men perceive criticism as contempt and 81.5% feel disrespected when in conflict with their wife. So, 85% of men stonewall (i.e. go to their cave) their wife during conflict in an attempt to calm himself down so he doesn't overreact. He sees it as the honorable and respectable thing to do while his wife thinks he's rejecting her.

The primary drive and deepest value for women is unconditional love. They verbalize with other women to resolve a conflict, which leads to reconciliation - the opposite of what men do. Women are natural teachers/instructors particularly if they are mothers since that is a key job of mothers. They quickly slip into becoming teachers/critics of their husbands without realizing it. Their motive is pure but their tactic is wounding their man at his core. Wives want their husbands to be close, to open up, to talk, and most importantly to listen to her and not try to "fix" her. She wants him to love and cherish her.

Another interesting difference is that men communicate by sharing experiences or activities by just sitting with each other side-by-side. Women share experiences by talking about them to each other sitting face-to-face. Men often feel like their wife loves them but doesn't like them. A wife often doesn't understand that doing nothing but just sitting with them will mean the world to them.

A Couple of Practical Suggestions:

How to Show Him Unconditional Respect:
1.    Tell him what you appreciate and admire about him.
2.    Stop instructing/correcting (mothering) him.
3.    Just sit with him while he does something.

How to Show Her Unconditional Love:
1.    Set aside time to talk to her face-to-face.
2.    Just listen to her problems and don't try to "fix" her or what is wrong.
3.    Treasure and esteem your wife by thanking her for what you appreciate.

Have a lovely Valentine's Day Weekend with your loved ones!

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